Well now. An updated stream. How did that happen?! Hehehe...no, didn't neglect the page all together, although I must say, I am incredibly surprised that tripod is still hosting my site after all this time. I think I make changes to this stupid site maybe twice a year. What the hell happened to me?! I used to like doing this stuff, now it just seems to be a chore. Writing is a chore. Writing by hand is even MORE of chore. Fucking technological world.

I had a full time job until this past Friday. From October to August. The longest job I've held down in about 4 years. Yikes. I got laid off due to a shortage of work. This is fine, but still a hard thing for me to grasp I suppose. I had been constantly talking about quitting anyway, so it's good that I got laid off and will be getting ei. It's what I had hoped might happen. I don't know why I feel this loss...this sorrow, this distress. I don't know where exactly it's coming from. And it's not like it was even a complete shock to find out that they were going to do it. It just feels weird. Stress feels weird. My whole entire fucking exsistence feels weird. I don't know how other people feel, but sometimes I really wish I did. Then I'd know if all this is normal, or if I should have it checked out. I'm too embarassed to go to a doctor to find out if this is all cool or not. Heh. Blah. Smart me :D

It's been just over 2 1/2 years for my guy and I now. I can't believe that either sometimes. There are days where it feels like it's been that long, and there are days where it feels like it's been a month. My memory is so shitty that it really doesn't seem to take much for me to forget things that happened not so long ago. Things that happened over a year ago are the worst though. I'm constantly in this weird struggle to find myself, and at the same time, completely ignoring myself and my actions, etc. How does that work? Why is it so stupidly hard to focus on?? Especially when it comes to your own self!! aaaaaaaaaaaaah fuck.

I don't know what else to say right now, I just felt I should maybe update. Seems the only time I really do that is when I get fired. HAHA. No one reads this shit anyway, but it makes me feel better to know I've kept up with at least SOMETHING. Anyway...that's enough.