The things people do for love.  Mush.  I know, it's not like me to talk about mush.  But my god.  I don't know whether to scream, cry, or laugh at the whole situation.  I just don't understand the emotion I suppose.  It's a little overwhelming sometimes.  It's scary.  It's...it's weird.  I don't know how else to explain it.  I want to be with you all the time, but you drive me insane.  I love you, but you're nutz.  I want you, but you're loopy.  Maybe I'm just dating crazies, I dunno.  Nah.  Interesting people we'll call them.  :)  Hehehe.  No offence.

I just dunno what is going on in my little world anymore.  It's crumbling and stregthening, and happy and blissful, and horrible and depressing, all at the same time.  Bah.  I'm so very confused.  I'm going to be 20 soon.  Ack!  Karen just turned 20, the poor thing.  I think she's okay though.  I hope.  She's going back to Germany again.  On sunday.  Eeep.  At like, 5:30 in the morning.  Bah.  Guess I'm not going to sleep saturday night!  YEAH.  :)

I want to cry and scream now.  *pout*  Why is that so wrong?  Why, if I run out into the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs, would people think I'm  insane?  Why, if I just let out a scream here in my apt, would people come running to see if I was dying or something?  Why can't there be a place to go and just yell and scream and stuff without being judged?  Sound proof house, that's what I need.  But see, if I got a sound proof house, I'd end up getting murdered because, you see, then that's when I'd need people to hear me screaming.  It's the whole murphy's law thing or something screwy.  I don't know.  *shrugz*  Bah.

And so I keep going back to thoughts about this whole love business.  Ick.  I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't know what's going on.  Everything is just one big blur, and things are going so fast, and it's all ups and downs and weird crazy shit.  Metaphors galore.  I don't....i...ya.  Lost the thought.  I just want to know that everything will be fine and peachy with all of this, but every time I'm reassured, something goes and destroys my confidence.  Just when we reach a high point it has to come down suddenly.  Sharp turn on a dead strait road, if you will.  And you hit it going 100 km/h.

So as my mind obsesses, I find I have run out of things to say other than, HELP ME.

"And I would be the one, to hold you down, kiss you so hard, I'll take your breathe away, and after I'd, wipe away the tears, just close your eyes dear..."